Keeping a vibrant marriage after having kids
It’s often been said that all worthwhile things in life require work, patience, and commitment – and marriage is certainly no exception to this rule. And oddly, one of the most challenging times for keeping a vibrant marriage is after having kids.
For any loving couple who wants to make sure that their marriage is always as ideal and smooth as possible, it’s essential to pay proper attention to things like good communication, conflict resolution, and also to look for ways to spend time together and cater to one another’s needs.
Becoming parents is easily one of the most powerful and uplifting experiences that any married couple could experience. But, for all the joys, miracles, and wonders of childbirth and parenthood, it’s also true that having children can place quite a lot of strain on a marriage and can create extra difficulties that need to be overcome.
While there is no perfect one-size-fits-all solution that is going to address every potential challenge that is likely to arise when you have kids, here are a handful of tips to help when it comes to keeping your marriage vibrant after having kids.
Be sure to regularly make time for intimacy with your partner
With a new baby to care for, and all the sleepless nights, heightened state of alert, and chores that go along with that, a very common issue that many married couples experience immediately after childbirth, is that their sex lives go immediately on indefinite hold.
For most couples, however, romantic intimacy – including sexual intimacy – is very important, and when this is completely cut out of the equation a lot of stress, unhappiness, and a sense of disconnection can occur.
To counteract this, be sure to regularly make time for intimacy with your partner, as new parents. This will be more difficult than before and will need more planning, but it’s certainly worth your while arranging the occasional date night and letting your child’s grandparents or other willing and trustworthy family and/or friends babysit for an evening to provide the best opportunity for you to both relax and enjoy each other’s company.
Of course, sometimes the stress and challenges new parents face cause anxiety that, in turn, can have physical impacts on lovemaking. If this is the case, you may like to consider options such as the erection-enhancing medication Sildenafil which can certainly help out in these kinds of situations.
Help one another out, and share the chores and duties
Each parent is likely to find themselves completely exhausted – at least for a while – after the birth of their child.
Sometimes, this results in something of a confrontational dynamic developing between the parents, where they are each pushing the other to pitch in and deal with more of the chores and obligations involved in childcare and child-rearing, as well as home maintenance.
In order to prevent an unnecessary degree of tension and frustration from developing in your relationship, make a clear point of actively helping one another out as much as possible, and viewing your role as new parents as a collaborative effort such as working together to create a lovely soothing space for baby.
Good communication is, of course, essential here – and each partner has to be willing to do their best to help the other out.
The more you can split the various chores and errands 50-50, the less likely you are to end up at loggerheads with each other.
Do what you can to each keep some fun de-stressing activities at hand
As new parents, it is obviously natural that you will both feel completely overwhelmed by the responsibility you have towards the new life you have brought into the world.
While you will, of course, have to both spend a lot of time and energy taking care of your child and making sure that they are as well cared for as possible, it is also the case that you will need to have certain fun activities at hand to help you can both relax and de-stress, whenever the opportunity arises.
Just what, exactly, those fun activities are will naturally vary from individual to individual. It may be, for example, that keeping a portable games console within reach, and playing for a bit when you have periods of time free when your baby is napping, would be just the thing. Or, maybe you’ve got a hobby creating art, and would like to spend a bit of time sketching in the evening. Just listening to music rather than turning the tv on can be an excellent option.
Either way, completely passing up on your own fun pastimes is likely to put more strain on your interactions with your partner.
Make an effort to do the little things together
While, on the one hand, you will both need your own space to de-stress from the duties of child-rearing, it’s equally as important that you continue making an effort to do the little things together each day, in order to continue bonding with your partner and sharing in the ups and downs of the experience.
Something as simple as sitting down to eat nice meals together at set times, washing the dishes together, and watching an evening show together (when possible) can really help to keep you connected.
And of course, it is important to look after your health during this time. The temptation to resort to ready meals and takeaways and an excess of comfort food and alcohol can be strong. But while a few ‘naughty’ treats are fine, do ensure you eat plenty of good, fresh wholesome food to help keep you fit and healthy during these challenging times. Ensuring you are fit and healthy is an important aspect of keeping a vibrant marriage after having kids.
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